Chichiri's Fanfic No Da! (with the Seishi's help)
by the Red Nothing
Summary: Da, why am _I_ writing a fic no da? Well, we seishi were thinking no da... To get revenge on Red for manipulating us in HER fics about US... Why don't WE write a fic about HER na no da....? ~^ (Well even I can't be nice all of the time no da! ^^;;) *under
1. Prologue No Da

Chichiri's Fanfic No Da!   
  
"Author's" Notes: Will I regret letting Chichiri-san and his strange friends write a fic? *sweatdrop* Probably... At least the semi-sane one does the writing... Good look guys -I dunno WHAT you're gonna write about....  
  
Erm, the other Seishi may be making their own little comments. When they do, so as to not be confused with Chichiri's thoughts, notes, or, as the case may be, speech, they'll be between symbols. Whichi seishi gets each symbol? You'll be able to figure it out ^_^ Also, when it isn't Chichiri talking, HE will be speaking between ((/)), aka, standard A/N comment bubble!  
  
And now, Ganbatte Ne Seishi.  
  
Chichiri's Notes: DA!! I suppose you're wondering what _I'm_ doing writing a fanfic na no da. Well, it goes like this:  
  
You know how Authors can tamper with our universe no da? Well, at times it's fun na no da, but at others, it... Well, ticks us off, to be honest no da. ^.^; Well, Red (that's Akai no da!) does it a lot... Tormenting, angst, sap, senseless humor, da, and we seishi weren't... Exactly sure on how to deal with this na no da.   
  
Though Tamahome-kun suggested we fine her...  
  
Hotohori thought we should shave her head na no da --;  
  
NURIKO thought we should do the opposite no da, and brush her hair and smear make-up all over her and put ribbons and... *sweatdrop* Well no da, I'm pretty sure her reaction would have been more negative than Hotohori's na no da.  
  
{Oi! She's a $#%^ TOMBOY!!!}  
  
Quiet Tasuki-kun no da.  
  
{@$%$ MAKE me!!}  
  
*ZAP!!!* Gomen na Tasuki, but you asked for it na no da. *coughs* Sou ka! Speaking of him na no da, HE wanted to... Flame no da. Literally na no da. *sweatdrop*  
  
Mitsukake wasn't interested no da.  
  
But Chiriko and I came up with a good idea that didn't involve PAIN no da!  
  
^Well, not TOO much anyway....^  
  
~Chiriko-kun, you sound guilty...~  
  
^Err... Well, it IS... Uh....^  
  
{%#$%$!! It rules!!!}   
  
Aren't you paralyzed no da?  
  
{...shit.}  
  
This is what we did na no da!!!  
  
We decided that rather than HER write a fanfic about US, WE write a fanfic about her no da.  
  
{Oi, whasso #$%#@$in' great about THAT!?}  
  
#My noble ears....#  
  
~Hotohori-sama! *POW!!!*~  
  
{O.O;;}  
  
[*laughing hysterically*]  
  
Da...  
  
{$$$%# off Obake-chan!!!}  
  
[Whatever you say, Hibana-chan!!!]  
  
{GHRAAAAAAA-}  
  
YAMETE NA NO DA!!! ;   
  
{...}  
  
[...]  
  
Now no da... *deep breath* The GOOD part is we have total, utter, control no da.  
  
^Or rather, Chichiri-san does.^  
  
#WHAT?!#  
  
~You wat to torment her that badly Hotohori-sama?~  
  
{I dun think she's ever WRITTEN anythin' with ya in it!!}  
  
#Exactly. I'm far too beautiful to be ignored.#  
  
*sweatdrop*  
  
^*sweatdrop*^  
  
~Waaaaaaai Hotohori-sama!~  
  
#*sweatdrop*#  
  
All right, that's enough no da. We all decided it would be the wisest thing if I were in charge na no da!! ^.^  
  
  
[We DID?]  
  
We took a vote no da; Either me or Tasuki, remember?  
  
[Oh yeah...]  
  
{$@#%^!!!}  
  
|Even I must admit that was hardly fair...|  
  
{SUZAKU!! IT _SPOKE_!!!}  
  
|...--;|  
  
*cough* It's starting na no da...  
  
  
~~~~~~~Red's Day At School~~~~~~  
  
{Is that the best $%#^% title yew ken come up with!?}  
  
((--;))  
  
Once upon a time there was a girl named Red no da. Well, she wasn't really named Red, because that would have been strange na no da...  
  
[Can't IMAGINE why...]  
  
In any event, Red went to school no da! When suddenly, Tasuki appeared!!!  
  
{I did?}  
  
#Is this such a good idea?#  
  
^Why Tasuki, Chichiri-san?^  
  
((BECAUSE I'M THE AUTHOR AND I SAID SO NA NO DA!!!))  
  
^O_O^  
  
[*gulp*]  
  
~Chichiri... Actually pissed off... Not good.~  
  
|Hai.|  
  
The flame-haired bandit leered at Red and her two friends Kate and Rachel no da, whose names aren't REALLY Kate and Rachel no da, but we're going to call them that because... We will na no da! His tessen resting on one of his shoulders, he growled at Red in the crowded cafeteria.  
  
"Yew," he said simply no da. Red tried to raise an eyebrow, but could not because it wasn't in her heredity no da.  
  
^ ^_^ Arigatou Chichiri-san! ^  
  
((Da ^^;;))  
  
{WTF?!}  
  
Anyway na no da, Red was pretty freaked. Rachel blinked several times.  
  
"Red... He looks like an anime character or something!!!"  
  
Red continued to look freaked no da. Several teachers were staring in Tasuki's general direction -not the sort of person you'd want in your middle school no da -I mean, you already have enough psychotic teenagers na no da!  
  
{...monk, yer days are numbered.}  
  
Red continued to make codfish-esque motions with her mouth no da.   
  
"T... T..."  
  
"Hey," said Kate no da, "Isn't that Tasuki? From Fushigi Yuugi, right?"  
  
"Ta... Ta... Ta..."  
  
Tasuki began to tap his fingers impatiently no da. "Yah yah, an if ya put a '"' in therr, it becomes Da da da... --;"   
  
[You had to do that.]  
  
^Actually, it's true. In hiragana, if you add a " to the symbol for "ta", it becomes "da".^  
  
#O_o#  
  
[And there's our useless fact for the day --;]  
  
"Hey, Kate? Rachel?" She said no da, looking disturbed now that weird things were going to start happening to HER instead na no da. ((My hidden cynical side no da ~^))  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"This is really weird. I don't know if this is sugar or purple cows or what, but I'm sure as hell it isn't normal..." Red rubbed her temples no da.  
  
Kate blinked no da. "You mean, he really IS Tasuki?!"  
  
"NO HE'S NOT REALLY TASUKI HE'S A COSPLAYER!!!"  
  
{Cosplayers don't look that good XD}  
  
[Yeah, they look better... Obviously.]  
  
{Wh-}  
  
~Could we end this argument before it even STARTS?~  
  
((ANYway na no da...))  
  
"Look kid," the bandit said with a bored air no da, "We're gonna play Truth 'r Dare."  
  
  
"..."   
  
"..."  
  
"...doushite?" Red blinked several times no da. What was the POINT no da? Why the heck should they just play truth or dare out of NOWHERE na no da?! I mean besides the fact that it happens in most ALL fanfics, but STILL no da.....!  
  
Red decided that it wouldn't be such a good idea no da to stay around with the disturbing fang boy who COULD NOT SWIM NO DAAA.  
  
{Hey!}  
  
[*snicker*]  
  
Now while the godly author COULD just self-insert himself and keep everything weird no da, HE would not stoop that low. ^.^  
  
~An ego, have we?~  
  
  
((I don't ask for much na no da --; ))  
  
^True...^  
  
So Red-chan grabbed Kate-chan and Rachel-chan by the wrists no da and started to run! When suddenly...  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
#...suddenly...?#  
  
Anou....  
  
~Chichiri! May I write!?~  
  
{Oi! Is that such a %$#^% good idea?!}  
  
^True, I think Nuriko-san will go into some angsty-romance thing....^  
  
~Mooooooou . Oh ye of little faith! ^^.~  
  
|I suppose we COULD give him a chance...|  
  
{GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IT TALKED AGAIN!!!}  
  
Da. --; All right no da, I'm tired no da. I'm going to go out and get dinner na no da...  
  
[You actually have a DATE!?]  
  
*BONK!* Da, I'm going to go pick it up for us na no da! --;  
  
[Oh. Well, as long as I don't have to pay ^_^]  
  
~So can I wriiiiiiiiite?~  
  
--; All right no da. But, erm... --; I don't even know if RED-CHAN deserves this no da...  
  
*Are you dissing Nuriko, monk?*  
  
Red-chan?!  
  
Red: *turns on the lights* OK, monk goes for food, Nuriko writes!  
  
Nuriko: Wai! ^^.  
  
Chichiri: --; Da.  
  
Red: *not looking at the monitor ~^* But Chichiri remains the official author! ^_^ Now, I'm not sure who wants to see this fic or not but... The chapter won't get posted-  
  
Nuriko: NAAAAAAANI!?   
  
Tasuki: GHA MY #$^%$% EARS!!  
  
Chiriko:   
  
Hotohori: We do not think you are being fair, Red.  
  
Red: Hey hey hey! Hear me out! *clears throat* If people LIKE this fic, I'll post Nuriko-san's chapter, by all means.But I don't know; no one told ME what the plot was...  
  
Seishi: *attempt to look innocent*  
  
Red: ...but, ah, I've heard it was "different". So I dunno if people like it, and my apologies if this is a POS.  
  
Chichiri: Doubting my writing na no da?  
  
Red: ^^;;;; No no no not like that!! Erm.... Yeah. This is something different, so I wanna know your opinions! ^_^ And the seishi would love your reviews. ~^   
  
Chichiri: *throws up hands* Right, I'm getting the pizza no da....   
  
Red: Homework!  
  
Remaining Seishi: JA!! *watch Chichiri leave and Red walk up the stairs to her room*  
  
Tasuki: *fanged grin* Now...  
  
Nuriko: Heh heh heh... *cracks knuckles* ~^.  
  
Chiriko: O_O  
  
Mitsukake: ...  
  
...  
  
Mitsukake: ...I actually get the last line. How fascinating.  
  
  
~^!  



	2. Red's Tragic Past (By Chou Ryuuen ^^.)

  
Chichiri's Fanfic No Da! (Under Temporary Authoring Of Nuriko)  
  
"Author's" Notes: Well, I'm done with my homework no da- Urk, it's contagious. The monk has NOT returned with the pizza... Darn. Nuriko-san would like to dedicate this chapter to Lola-san and Purple Mouse-san. ^_^;; Because their fics are great to read and both have an affinity for him ~^  
  
Nuriko's Notes: And who wouldn't? ~^. No, seriously, thank you all for your support ^^. Also, thanks to Zo-chan for helping me with this chapter. ^^.;;;;  
  
{Ok, what're ya gonna #$%^% do!?}  
  
#Must you always use so many expletives, Tasuki? --;#  
  
{...yeah! Hell yeah!}  
  
^See, Tasuki-san believes that language is a beautiful, beautiful painting. And, like all great works of art, it should be painted in full, vivid, color. --;;^  
  
#*chuckles*#  
  
{*too stupid to get it*}  
  
|...*sigh*|  
  
[Oh well... So, Nuriko, what ARE you going to write?]  
  
Well.... I was thinking... ^^.  
  
{Oh shit...}  
  
How does ANGST sound? ^^.   
  
^No long, drawn-out romance? O_o^  
  
A romance? With Red?  
  
#Point...#  
  
^Hey, however unlikely; It doesn't stop people from putting Chichiri-san in romances....^  
  
[You sound like you actually WANT him to write a romance....]  
  
^^.  
  
^Ee...^  
  
--.; I'll pretend I didn't hear that... OK! My turn! ^_^.  
  
~~~Red's Day At School (Cont'd)~~~  
  
Outside the dismal, gray Middle School building, the bleak wind of torment howled mercilessly. Inside, a deeply troubled young maiden paced about, flanked by her two dearest friends.  
  
[Actually, I think Red just met Kate this year...]  
  
~ --. May I please write this?! ~  
  
Pacing back and forth in the ages of turmoil, she cursed the fates that she would have to die like this-  
  
[HEY DON'T YOU KILL HER OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]  
  
^O_o^  
  
#Tamahome... PLEASE tell me that you remain true to Miaka...!#  
  
[*looks horrified* Of course! Red owes me MONEY, dammit!!]  
  
#--;#  
  
{So? Go through 'er pockets!}  
  
[Oh yeaaaaah... ^_^]  
  
-at the hands of the dark beings known as the "teachers".  
  
^Everyone has something to say about the education system these days... --;^  
  
~Just like everyone has something to say about my writing!~  
  
^Eep, gomen Nuriko-san!!^  
  
IF those wicked knaves were allowed to have their evil way, Red knew, her tragic history would repeat itself, and her slain family could never be avenged!!!  
  
[Ladies and gents, I give ya the Tragic Past.]  
  
{Whahaha! Time t'burn cliche's!!!}  
  
^ --; ^  
  
She frowned deeply, her eyebrows creasing. Rachel looked upon her with the deep concern only a friend can show.  
  
{Assumin' Red %@$%^ _HAS_ friends. *rolls eyes*}  
  
"What is it?" She whispered. Red let a deep sigh escape her lips...  
  
"It's... Nothing. Nandemorenai..."  
  
It had been... Four years. Four horrid, unbearable years since The Accident.  
  
^Proper Noun.^  
  
~Hey, I DARE you guys to stop making comments every three lines!!!~  
  
{BUAHAHAHA!! AS I-!}  
  
~*POW!!!*~  
  
[Oo]  
  
#Oo#  
  
{O______________O}  
  
  
~ OK, we'll continue now. ^^.~  
  
|Er...|  
  
  
The accident that had villanously robbed her of her family...   
  
*FLASHBACK*  
  
"They're here! They're here!" Horrified shrieks rang out through the village as it came, the death on the black wi nd. "They've come for us!!!"   
  
#Wait just a moment, Nuriko...#  
  
~Haaaaai Hotohori-sama?~  
  
*pause*  
  
[So where's Hibana-chan's remark about how it's fine for HOTOHORI-SAMA to interrupt?!]  
  
{*making a "wall angel"*}  
  
[Ah. *smirk*]  
  
#Er, why would Red live in a village? Is this not the twenty-first century? I mean, with a school....#  
  
~Alternate universe.~  
  
#Uh?#  
  
^It would be a world where Red would still have her public school and anime, in this case, but there could be villages and peasants, etc.^  
  
#Ne, Doushite ka? That doesn't make too much sense... You'd think that you could at least be not so lazy as to abide by the rules of the universe...#  
  
[Hey, if other guys do it!]  
  
~Hai! ^^.~  
  
The pitiful young Red turned her horrified wide eyes, filled with youthful innocence, [*snorts* Like she was ever innocent] up to her mother, the woman sobbing furiously into her husband's shoulder.  
  
"W-we shouldn't h-have hung uuuuup!" She wailed over the roar of the fire, the roar of the attackers, the roar of the attacks, the roar of Death. Red's father stroked his wife's back gently with a trembling hand.  
  
"There there, it isn't our fault that those rotten bastards always called at exactly dinner time..."  
  
Red'sOkaasan continued to bawl, when suddenly....  
  
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!!*  
  
"They're here!" Red'sOutousan hissed at his daughter through gritted teeth. "Red-chan, hide!!"   
  
"ALL RIGHT, THIS IS AT&T!!!"  
  
^...^  
  
"Nooooooooooo~!!!"  
  
The three Seiryu Telemarketers, dressed in their dark armor, quietly entered the hut. Red gave a terrified squeak and buried herself among the thatch bed. But it did not stop the sounds from coming... Oh those horrid sounds!! ~*sniff*~  
  
Conversation shot back and forth, a blur.  
  
"Only five cents a minute!  
  
"Never, slime!"  
  
"For thirty minutes!"  
  
"Ghaaa~!"   
  
"ALL YEAR!"  
  
A crash!  
  
"Die weakling!!"   
  
*SLASH!!*  
  
"NOOO~! NO INTEREST! THE RATES!! THE RAAAAAAAAAAATES BUAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!"  
  
  
Slashing, weaving, crashing.   
  
And then, all was silent.  
  
When a tearful, fearfilled Red-chan emerged from beneath the bed, all she saw was a sea of blood, her mother and father torn, pierced in a thousand places...  
  
By dimes...  
  
Dimes? But surely, 'twas AT&T who had caused this massacre!   
  
Yet... The inhumane battlecry rang out over the burnt Earth, sending not merely a chill, but a rage down Red's spine. Cruel, hardened voices, chanting...  
  
"C-O-L-L-E-C-T! SAVE A BUCK OR TWO OR THREEEE~!!!"  
  
*To Present*  
  
  
#...#  
  
^...^  
  
[...]  
  
{...}  
  
|...|  
  
{ALL RIGHT WHAT THE HELL WAS _THAT_?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}  
  
  
~Urk, well, I was sort of out of ideas, soooooooo I had to use one of Red's friend's! ^^.;~  
  
|If I recall correctly, all that Zo-chan said was a comment about "telemarketers". --|  
  
{Hey, if 'e actually opened 'is #$%#$^% MOUTH, it MUST be DAMN important. X}}  
  
|--'|  
  
^I was there too; It was Nuriko-san who *coughs* "expanded" on the concept.^  
  
~I call it drama. --.;~  
  
[I call it stupid.]  
  
~*POW!!!!*~  
  
[O_O]  
  
{*snicker*}  
  
#...*sigh*... Carry on, Nuriko. --;#  
  
~Hai Hotohori-sama! ^_^.~  
  
"So, what are we going to do?" Asked Kate as she turned her gaze toward their leader.  
  
{Wait; Red is the "leader" of 'er friends becaaaaaause....?}  
  
[Hey, if they're dumb enough to be her friends...]  
  
~Now Red likes her friends very much. --.;~  
  
Red continued to stare out at the howling sky.  
  
"We call..."  
  
Cringe.  
  
"The Others."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
[*coughs* WELLLLLLLLLL?!]  
  
{Who the $%#%^ are "The Others"!?!!!!!!!!}  
  
~...I dunno... ^^.;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;~  
  
#*facefault*#  
  
~HOTOHORI-SAMA! .;~  
  
{THAT wasn't graceful. *smirk*}  
  
~*POW!!!*~  
  
{O________________O}  
  
^ I honestly wonder who posed more of a threat sometimes: The Seiryu Shichiseishi or Nuriko...? ^  
  
~Mooooou! . We have Mitsukake, tho. ^^.~  
  
[...who died for some kid in the middle of a war where he coulda been USEFUL to save us all....]  
  
|--;|  
  
~It was SHOUKA, people. And love conquers all. ^_^. *eyes glitter* Besides, he'd already let her die twice!~  
  
[Third time's the charm. *snicker*]  
  
~HEARTLESS JERK!!!! *POW!!!*~  
  
[O__________________O]  
  
#...*quietly* We need a restraining order on him....#  
  
~Mooou, I'm all right. ^^.~  
  
^...you know, if Mitsukake had thought of his duty as a Suzaku Shichiseishi and spared his own life.... Wouldn't Hotohori-sama have lived...^  
  
#...#  
  
|...|  
  
~...~  
  
((Anou, I think it's good I came back when I did no da! ^_^))  
  
^ *relieved* Chichiri-san!^  
  
((No da. ~^ *turns on the lights*))  
  
Tasuki: *embedded in a wall*  
  
Tamahome: *twirling around on a ceiling fan*  
  
Hotohori: *looking sincerely afraid*  
  
Nuriko: *beating the Tasuki-word out of Mitsukake*  
  
Mitsukake: *staring blankly, but what else is new?*  
  
Chiriko: *sweatdropping*  
  
Chichiri: *sweatdrop* Daa... What happened na no da? *sets the pizza down*  
  
Red: *appears* PIZZZZAAAAAAAAA!!! *attacks it ravenously*  
  
All: *sweatdrop*  
  
Red: *between mouthfuls* So *much* 'sup in the fic?  
  
Nuriko: Eeeer..... ^^.;;;; *goes back to hurting Mits (which is fun to say!)*  
  
Chiriko: *thinking quickly* Chichiri-san has to come up with who "The Others" are in the next chapter!  
  
Chichiri: I do no da? *leans over and scans the document, turning some interesting shades of various colors of the spectrum as he does so* D...da.... OO;;;;;;;;;;;  
  
Hotohori: *coughs*  
  
Chichiri: Ahem! Sou ka!! ^^;;;; I'm a bit low on ideas myself no da. ^_^;;; Anyone have suggestions na no da?  
  
Chiriko: Why don't we let the reviewers decide what happens next, ne?  
  
*pause*  
  
Chiriko: I thought I was the *smart* one... -_-;;;;  
  
Red: GENIUS!! ^_^! All right reviewers, what do you want to happen next in this fic about.... Hey, what IS it about?  
  
Chichiri: ^^;;;;;;;;;;;; Daaaaaaaaaaa~....   
  
Chiriko: *flatly* Sir Walter Raleigh.  
  
Red: AGAHAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!!!!!!!!! *disappears*  
  
Hotohori: OO;; M-my... Suzaku... Who on Earth is that man?  
  
Chiriko: Great figure in the history of the early settlement of America. --; Red normally likes Social Studies but...  
  
Nuriko: *sweatdrop*  
  
Chichiri: *coughs* All right then, sou ka no da! ^_^;; I suppose you decide what happens next no da. ^_^ Just say in the review no da, and we'll give credit to whoever we pick in the next chapter na no da!!  
  
Chiriko: Gambatte ne!!!   
  
  
....  
  
  
....they'll need it. Oo;  
  
~^  



End file.
